The Soundtrack of My Life III

In college, I LOVED Dave Matthews Band…for awhile.  Then I HATED them for awhile.  I am back to loving their older music and thinking that they’re finally done creating great music.  I mean, their last…maybe two albums haven’t been all that good.  What happened to songs like “Crush” and “Rapunzel” and even “Crash?”  Those were great songs and it seems that the newer stuff is a little lacking…or maybe I’m getting old.  Shhh.  Don’t tell anyone.  One of my favorite Dave songs is below:

So Much To Say by Dave Matthews Band

I say my hell is the closet I’m stuck inside
Can’t see the light
And my Heaven is a nice house in the sky
Got central heating and I’m alright
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Can’t see the light
Keep it locked up inside
Don’t talk about it
T-t-talk about the weatherYeah, yeah, yeah
Can’t see the light
Open up my head and let me out, little baby
‘Cause here we have been standing for a long, long time
Treading trodden trails for a long, long time

I say my hell is the closet I’m stuck inside
Can’t see the light
And my Heaven is a nice house in the sky
Got central heating and I’m alright
‘Cause here we have been standing for a long, long time
Treading trodden trails for a long, long time
Time, time, time, time, time, time

I find sometimes it’s easy to be myself
Sometimes I find it’s better to be somebody else

I see you young and soft, oh little baby
Little feet, little hands, little feet, little feet, little baby
One year of cryin’ and the words creep up inside
Creep into your mind, yeah

So much to say, so much to say, so much to say, so much to say
So much to say, so much to say, so much to say, so much to say

‘Cause here we have been standing for a long, long time
Treading trodden trails for a long, long time
Time, time, time, time, time, time

I find sometimes it’s easy to be myself
Sometimes I find it’s better to be somebody else

So much to say, so much to say, so much to say, so much to say
So much to say, so much to say, so much to say, so much to say
So much to say, so much to say, so much to say, so much to say
So much to say, so much to say, so much to say, so much to say

Open up my head and let me out, little baby

Now, I’m sure there are a MILLION different interpretations and meanings of this song.  I feel like it’s great for describing human nature in general.  We all have so much to say, but instead of choosing subjects that have substance, we talk about the weather.  Why do we do this?  There are so many interesting things to talk about and we continue to say the same meaningless things over and over again (treading trodden trails).  I’m sure all of you will find (or have found) a different meaning.  I do have to point out the paradox that the song creates…the song is titled, “So Much To Say” and there are very few lyrics in the song that aren’t repeated again and again.  What a wonderful song.  Open up my head and let me out, little baby!

The Soundtrack of My Life

Music means sooo much to me.  There are so many songs that I’ve attached to so many times or events in my life.  These songs aren’t always what was “popular” at those times in my life; they are just songs that very vividly remind me of my life.

I don’t post much on this blog anymore because of the pregnancy blog.  It seems that my life has been consumed by pregnancy…and understandably so!  It is really a lifechanging event.  Pregnancy has sort of forced me to think of other times in my life…almost as if my life is flashing before my eyes.  I can’t decide if I like this or not.  I do love to reminisce, but it’s a little scary at times.  And in this reminiscing, almost every memory has a song attached to it.

 I’ve decided that I will post, once a week, a song and the lyrics that have special meaning to me.  They will be in no certain order…except for the first one.  Please feel free to comment or let me know if these songs hold any special meaning for you.

I was once asked what the theme song of my life would be if I had to pick just one.  After much deliberation, I made my final decision…

All I Really Want by Alanis Morissette

Do I stress you out
My sweater is on backwards and inside out
And you say how appropriate
I don’t want to dissect everything today
I don’t mean to pick you apart you see
But I can’t help it
There I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off
Slap me with a splintered ruler
And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn’t there already
If only I could hunt the hunter

And all I really want is some patience
A way to calm the angry voice
And all I really want is deliverance
Do I wear you out
You must wonder why I’m so relentless and all strung out
I’m consumed by the chill of solitary
I’m like Estella
I like to reel it in and then spit it out
I’m frustrated by your apathy
And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land
If only I could meet the Maker

And I am fascinated by the spiritual man
I am humbled by his humble nature
What I wouldn’t give to find a soulmate
Someone else to catch this drift
And what I wouldn’t give to meet a kindred
Enough about me, let’s talk about you for a minute
Enough about you, let’s talk about life for a while
The conflicts, the craziness and the sound of pretenses
Falling all around…all around
Why are you so petrified of silence
Here can you handle this?

Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines
Or when you think you’re gonna die
Or did you long for the next distraction
And all I need know is intellectual intercourse
A soul to dig the hole much deeper
And I have no concept of time other than it is flying
If only I could kill the killer

All I really want is some peace man
a place to find a common ground
And all I really want is a wavelength
All I really want is some comfort
A way to get my hands untied
And all I really want is some justice…

Is it ironic that my theme song is by a very intense and sometimes angry female?  Maybe…but those who know me know that this really describes my personality.  I (almost unconsciously) look down on humanity…not necessarily thinking that I am better than others, just that we could do better as a whole.  I may or may not have a superiority complex when it comes to certain things.  In general, I don’t like people.  But I know that healthy human relationships are so very important if not only for the learning experience.  I look for deeper meaning in EVERYTHING that is.  A cigar is never just a cigar.  And I really just can’t help it…or I don’t want to help it.  BUT…underneath all of this, I have hope and faith that things will be okay…eventually.

15 Things Unsaid

As I read blogs today, I came across an entry that Nicole wrote called “Things Unsaid.”  I believe that the original idea came from Bright Yellow World, which I’ve never read before, but I may begin reading.  Here is the basic premise from Nicole:

“The basic idea is to make a list of things you haven’t said to random people in your life-whether it be from childhood, grade school, high school, college or the present. That’s it. No further commentary, no explanation, no details. Some things might have been better said, some things better left unsaid.”

 So, here goes:

1.  I never helped you again because when I tried to help you, you called me rude and stood in a line of 4 people instead of coming to my register.

2.  Everytime I think of you and how you seem to have every material thing that anyone could ever want and how you never receive consequences for your abominable actions, I remember that Karma works in mysterious ways…deep down, you must be so effin’ miserable.  How does THAT feel?

3.  I am sorry that you will never be able to have a healthy relationship because of your mother.  She will sabotage everything you try to achieve.  I’m sure you’re learning that now.

4.  Grow. A. Pair.  You do NOT have to be his LITERAL right-hand man.  You’re better than that and you know it.  If only you’d man up.

5.  I’m sorry I blamed you for everything for so very long.

6.  I’m sorry that I hurt you, but I’m not sorry that we aren’t friends anymore.  When I tried over and over again to make things right between us, you showed me who you really are…and I don’t like that person.

7.  I will never understand why you continue to deal with his shit when you know AND everyone else knows that you would be better off without him.

8.  People are taking advantage of you.  Wake up and put a stop to it before you lose ALL of your self-respect.

9.  I DON’T need your help with EVERYthing.  I am a capable person…probably more so than you.

10.  Grow up and be an adult.  It won’t be easy, but you will find so much more there than you’re finding where you are.

11.  If you don’t slow down, the consequences will be fatal.  Think of how that will affect everyone around you.  Is it worth it?

12.  I don’t care.  I will never care no matter how many times you tell me.

13.  I wish we were closer, but you won’t let that happen.  Why?

14.  Waiting for Mr./Ms. Perfect is a waste of time.  Look in the mirror…what Mr./Ms. Perfect would want a flawed individual such as yourself?  Think realistically.

15.  Jealousy doesn’t suit you well.  In fact, it brings out a side of you that I don’t care to associate with.

 Holy CRAP that was awesome!!  Most of those are from YEARS ago, but that was very cathartic!  I will be revisiting this again.  Feel free to do this on your blog or in the comments section.  Happy Unsaying!!

Hi, everybody!!

(said in my best Dr. Nick voice)

I’m still alive!!  Yesterday I had a headache from hell.  You know, the sinus kind that makes your teeth, face, ears, etc. hurt.  It sucked bad.  And I learned just how BORING daytime television is. 

Everything’s good on the homefront and the pregnancy is progressing just fine.  I’m beginning to feel better and get a handle on things.  And, I must say, it isn’t so bad…now that I can eat food.

So, how’s that for a weekly update?!  Now, over to Forty Weex to update there!!

 Adios, amigos!!

No More…

…fortyweex.wordpress.com.  WordPress really irritates me with all of it’s security measures and stuff.  I couldn’t even put a counter in the sidebar!!  So, I deleted my pregnancy blog. 

 BUT…I have a new one.  The new address is http://fortyweex.blogspot.com/.  All of the posts have been transferred and more will come!!

Hello, My name is…

…and I’m a slacker.  I know I said I’d have updates of very exciting things by the end of the weekend.  Well, I felt like hell for most of the weekend.  But I think by lunchtime on Monday is pretty damn close.

And now, I shall navigate you to here…

 Have fun with that one.

Clumsiest. Moment. Ever.

I suppose I wasn’t named Grace for a reason.  If I were named Grace, it would be the most wonderful instance of irony that ever occurred.

This morning at work, I hit myself in the head with the bathroom door.  Yes, you read that right.  I hit myself in the head with the bathroom door. 

I have done some interestingly stupid and clumsy things in my life, but this one just takes the cake.  I was just trying to walk into the bathroom, opened the door and rammed it right into my head.  No one else was near me.  I really should pay more attention to what I’m doing. 

I’ve been clumsy my entire life.  A few weeks ago, I cut my thumb while trying to slice a PRE-SLICED bagel…it just wasn’t pre-sliced well enough.  The job probably could’ve been done with a butter knife or a fork, but I just HAD to go with the fillet knife.  Yes, fillet knife for bread.

A few weeks before that, I heard my cell phone ringing in the kitchen while I was in the bedroom.  I came running through the living room, turned to run into the kitchen, tripped over my 100 pound dog (how did I not see him there??  He weighs 100 pounds and is solid black…) and fell face first into the island and landed on the floor…cell phone in hand.  I did answer the call…even though I was almost crying.

And this one sticks out because it hurt so bad.  A couple of years ago, the light in our garage burned out.  We are lazy about that kind of thing, so we didn’t fix it until this happened:  the garage was packed full of stuff because we were building tables for our living room.  I was going to the car through the garage and didn’t have a garage door opener for some reason.  I took mental inventory in the mostly-dark garage and then proceeded to push the button and run under the garage door.  My mental inventory sucked and I fell down on a pile of wood.  I mean I fell down HARD.  I just laid there on the garage floor.  Husband opened the door from the house, looked around in the dark, didn’t see me and shut the door.  He didn’t even see me lying there…almost dead!  I had bruises and pains for WEEKS from that one.  But atleast I didn’t get stuck under the garage door!!

I am always stubbing my toes and running into things.  At any given time, I could have 0 to 57 bruises on me…depending on how much I’ve been drinking and what I’ve been doing.  I trip over my 100 pound and 65 pound solid black dogs very often…probably once a day.  If there is ice on the ground, it will find me and make me fall down.  Husband supervises all of my activities that include sharp or heavy (I’ll drop them on my feet) objects.

How do I get less clumsy?  I’d like to think that it’s possible for me to lack a little LESS social grace.  Any ideas?  Anyone?

Seriously

Seriously, will this cold NEVER go away??  Now I’m coughing my head off.  Last week I was sure that I had strep throat or an ear infection…nope, just a cold.  This week I feel like I have bronchitis, which may not be far off.  My cough keeps getting deeper and deeper…and it hurts!  I have been taking cold medicine to try and get better.  I’ve also been taking my vitamins EVERY SINGLE DAY and eating good, healthy food.  Okay, accept for Sunday.

Seriously, Christmas is just around the corner and:

*  The house isn’t finished being painted.
*  The Christmas shopping isn’t finished.
*  The tree isn’t up…and neither are any other decorations.
*  I haven’t baked one SINGLE Christmas cookie/treat.
*  I haven’t wrapped any presents that I have bought.
*  I don’t have step-dad’s birthday (on Friday) or Christmas gifts made yet.

Geez…I’m on a roll!!  Guess what I’ll be doing this weekend?  You got it…that list!  Ugh.  All I want to do is sleep.  I’m tired of being sick!!

Seriously, will the snow PLEASE just go away?  It was pretty for the first couple of days, but I’m sick of it now!!

And, last, but not least:  Seriously, could I complain anymore?  You have no idea…it’s just one of those days.

Happy Tuesday, all.

ScrapHappy V

I made 2 journals on Tuesday night…that I had to have finished to sell  on Wednesday afternoon!  Just like me…the procrastinator to beat all procrastinators.  And, without further adieu, here they are:

The Story of My Life… - Love this one!!  It came out so much better than I thought it would.  Used a card sketch from Becky Fleck.

Random Thoughts - This one is okay, I guess.  I’m just not feelin’ it, but the woman who bought it loves it.

Well, that’s really all I have for now.  Toodles, kids!

A Plethora of Slapdashery

Isn’t that fun?  It really just means a bunch of random thoughts, but “Random Thoughts” is just boring as a title.  So, I’m sticking with the “Plethora of Slapdashery.”

 So, about the miscarriage and the doctor and what-have-you…I have to keep going to the doctor to get blood drawn until my HCG is zero…or negative…or something.  I went to get blood drawn last Wednesday, the 5th.  Actually, I went Tuesday, the 4th, but the phlebotomist (another fun word, by the way) stuck me 3 times and couldn’t get any blood.  She told me to come back the next day and to drink LOTS of water before I came.  So I did.  And it still took 2 tries.  What the hell?  I’ve never had this problem.  So, the phlebotomist says that I should wait for the doctor to call me to tell me if I have to come back again or if the HCG went to whatever and I wouldn’t have to come anymore.  They called me this morning.  Actually, the nurse called my cell phone this morning.  Here is the conversation:

Nurse:  Hi, this is Brandy from Dr. Davidson’s office.  Who is this?

Me:  (a confused look on my face since she called my CELL phone) Umm…..this is D.

Nurse:  Good.  I was hoping it was you.  Anyway, has anyone called you to tell you that you need to come back every week to get blood drawn until your HCG is negative?

Me:  No.  The phlebotomist told me to wait for your call so you could tell me if I need to come back or not.  (thinking, “Can something be negative? Doesn’t that just make it non-existent?”)

Nurse:  Well, you need to come back every week. 

Me:  So, there is still HCG in my blood?

Nurse:  You need to come back every week.  Did you come last week?

Me:  Yes, on Wednesday.

Nurse:  Okay, then come this Wednesday, too.

Me:  Okay.  Whatever.

I have NO problems with anyone in my doctor’s office except this one particular person.  She doesn’t do her research first.  This is the third time she’s called me without having her shit together.  Everyone else who has called me has checked my file FIRST for pertinent information and THEN called me.  My phone rings again five minutes later…and it’s the doctor.  I answer and she hangs up on me.  My phone rings yet again about 10 minutes after that.  I answer.  And the conversation:

Nurse:  Hi, this is Brandy from Dr. Davidson’s office.  Who is this?

Me:  I’m still the same person.

Nurse:  Okay, D, I checked your file and your HCG is actually higher.  It went up.

Me:  That’s isn’t good.

Nurse:  No, it isn’t.  Have you had any pain?

Me:  (I won’t go into the detail of what I had to tell her…you don’t want to hear that.  Trust me.)

Nurse:  Okay, well if you have any pain, call us IMMEDIATELY or go STRAIGHT to the emergency room.  Do NOT second guess the pain.  Just GET HELP IMMEDIATELY!

Me:  Okay, why?

Nurse:  Because this could mean that your pregnancy is ectopic…

Me:  So, should I come in today for a blood draw or still wait until Wednesday?

Nurse:  Oh, just come in on Wednesday.

What?!?  She’s so worried about me that she tells very sternly to go to the emergency room, but she doesn’t want me to come in 2 days early to check the HCG?  Whatever, I guess.  I feel fine.  I’ll go to the ER if I need to.  Stupid Brandy.

In other news, I saw my dear friend Holly this weekend.  We hadn’t seen each other for a LONG ASS time, but things weren’t really awkward like I was expecting.  She’s doing well and looks great and is married to an awesome guy and she has some great friends!  We had alot of fun with them.  We stayed out until 3am.  Haven’t done that in awhile and we definitely paid for it on Sunday.  And I broke my toe.  It isn’t actually broken, but it looks really gross…a huge bruise and blister and my toenail turned blue.  I think it’s going to fall off.  The nail, not the toe.

Oh…and I went to ITHL HQ today (you know, WalMart).  They were fixing some shelving in the toilet paper row…at both ends of the row.  You couldn’t get in…and if you managed to get in, then you couldn’t get out.  There were about 10 of us trapped in the TP row at WalMart.  And I’m here to tell you, that is NOT a good place to be trapped.  Trust me.