I got this from Sigmund, Carl and Alfred, a blog that I sometimes read (it’s in my sidebar). I have minorly altered it because, as far as I can tell, it originated in England and was a bit confusing with the different words for things (like garden for yard and crisp for chip). There are a few that made me wonder what the hell goes on in England (like #15, 22, and 28). But for the most part, I find these to be true (especially #3, 26 and 27).
34 Truths
1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a bar is when your beer-to-bathroom cycle gets synchronized with a complete stranger.
4) You’re never quite sure whether it’s ok to eat the green potato chips.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80’s has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6) Reading when you’re drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You’re never quite sure whether it’s against the law or not to have a fire in your backyard.
9) Nobody ever dares make Cup-O’-Soup in a bowl.
10) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
11) It’s impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
12) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
13) Rummaging in an overgrown yard will always turn up a bouncy ball.
14) You always feel a bit scared when petting horses.
15) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
16) The most embarrassing thing you can do as a kid in school is to call your teacher mom or dad.
17) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
1 
Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
19) Every male has at some stage while taking a pee flushed halfway through and then raced against the flush.
20) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
21) It’s impossible to look cool while picking up a Frisbee.
22) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
23) You never ever run out of salt.
24) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
25) You can’t respect a man who carries a dog.
26) There’s no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you’ve got your hand or head stuck in something.
27) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
2 Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
29) The most painful household incident is stepping on an upturned plug while barefoot.
30) People who don’t drive slam car doors too hard.
31) You’ve turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
32) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
33) Bricks are horrible to carry.
34) In every bag of potato chips there is a bad chip.
