Seriously, folks…

IT’S JUST GARBAGE!!!  Just take it and put it in the effin’ truck!!  What’s the problem?

What brought on this rant, you ask?  Well, today is trash day and husband put the garbage out on time.  We had quite a bit of “dog waste” from when our backyard was a swamp and the trashcan was HEAVY.  We put it out last week and they did not take it.  When I tried to lift it to bring it back up to the house, I couldn’t.  So, there was one strike against us in the eyes of the garbage men.  Husband separated all of that into 3 bags.  I could lift them.  They were not heavy, messy or broken.  Just plain, tied, black trash bags.  They did stink a little.  But…do I need to point out that it’s dog poop?  Our other two trashcans were also light enough that I could lift them.  I’m a girl and almost 4 months pregnant.  What is the issue??  We’ve been putting our garbage out the same way for 3.5 years and have NEVER had a problem.

I called DPW.  The guy was an ass.  I assume he was an ass because (and no disrespect to ALL garbage-related employees) he works for the state of where I live and directly under our jackass Governor.  AND…he works around garbage all day.  Wouldn’t YOU be an ass?  He asked me 5 gajillion questions such as…and my responses follow:

1.   Him:  “Was all of your garbage bagged?”  Me:  “There was a 2-liter bottle and an empty heavy-duty aluminum foil roll that is too big for my kitchen trashcan on top of one of the trashcans that were not bagged.”

 2.  Him: “Were the containers too heavy?”  Me: “No, the containers could be lifted by a 4-months pregnant female. Are our garbage men more pregnant than me, hence not allowing them to lift the trashcans? If so, then they should go on maternity leave. Oh, and then they should take off their high heels and quit being sallies.”

3. Him: “Were your trashcans overflowing?”  Me: “The trashcans were heaping, but not overflowing. You could see the bags on the top, but nothing was falling out…hence not OVERflowing.”

4. Him:  “Were you trying to get yard waste picked up?”  Me: “I was trying to get dog poop picked up which, according to the website, is allowable as long as it’s not too heavy, bagged and not messy. Is the website wrong? If so, update the damn thing.”

5. Him:  “Did you put out any containers of gasoline for pick up?”  Me:  ”Why the F#@*K would I put GASOLINE out for pick up when it’s 80 effin’ dollars a gallon, you dumbass?”

And, yes, those WERE my exact words.  And this time I’m actually NOT proud of that this time.

I was promptly hung up on.  And I know I deserved it.  But what kind of question is that?  Why would I throw away gas?  And no, he didn’t say “empty” gasoline container.  I’m pretty sure that if I put out containers of gasoline, SOMEONE, like ANYONE with an effin’ brain, would have come by before the garbage men got here and stolen them to, you know, PUT IT IN THE GAS TANK OF SOMETHING THAT RUNS ON GAS.  And it didn’t even take a genius to figure that one out.

So, where does this leave me?  Um, exactly where I started.  What can I do really?  I’m at the will of the garbage men.  I could continue to put out my garbage the way I always have and they will continue to not take it.  Or I can conform to all the dumbass garbage rules and maybe get my garbage picked up with the garbage men get their panties out of a bunch…which isn’t bloody likely.

You never know how much power a garbage man has until you piss him off by having “heaping” garbage cans, too much dog shit and an empty aluminum foil roll that’s too big for your kitchen trashcan.  I guess I’ll get a bigger kitchen trash can.  Atleast that solves one of my problems.

Pregnancy has made me a REAL peach to talk to…especially when it’s over some as effing stupid as garbage.  Why are people so gee-darn stupid??  It’s just garbage.  Just put it in the truck.