I have many friends who come to me and “bitch” about their relationships. I don’t mind it 99% of the time, but occasionally I hear these people saying the same things over and over and over and over and over…well, you get the idea…and they do not change anything to make a change. Remember, if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten. I am a good listener and I can sometimes give helpful advice…both of which I like to do. But now it’s my turn to bitch about relationships…
I know soooo many people, be it male or female, in the following situation: The responsible spouse does the bulk of the work (work=going to work and running the household) and the irresponsible spouse does whatever he/she wants whenever he/she wants. Last time I checked, that’s not the way it’s supposed to be. Or is it?
With so many people I know being in this situation, I’m beginning to wonder. Of course, I usually only hear one side of the story. In the rare occasion that I hear both sides, I end up agreeing with both sides because, well, nobody’s perfect. I hear from one side, “He never helps clean the house…” And from the other side, I hear, “Even when I help her she bitches because I don’t do it well enough…” We all have our flaws…but it is our will to coexist with others despite these flaws. And, unfortunately, those in which we choose to coexist (i.e. the one’s we are SUPPOSED to love) get the brunt of all of our flaws. (And, to the housecleaners, if you’re non-housecleaner helps clean the house, don’t tell him/her he/she’s doing it wrong or not good enough. It’s discouraging and he/she will NEVER help again.)
Being an adult comes with so many things that we aren’t told about when we’re young. We are not told that we will have to be role models for our children instead of their best friends. We are told that love is easy…and it is. But we aren’t told that marriage takes work. We aren’t told (nearly enough) that we will have to do things that we do not want to do because we must be responsible for ourselves and our children. And you say, “These are things that come naturally with age/having children. Everyone wants the very best for their children and will do everything possible to make that happen.” And I will beg to differ.
If I didn’t do things simply because I did not want to do them, here is how my life would be…I’d be jobless (hence, moneyless) and I’d live in a pigsty that would be condemned by the local Health Dept. Those are just the two big ones that I hate. If I had children, they’d never get punished or have to take a bath. And they wouldn’t have to go to school. I go to work and clean my house because I must. I will discipline and care for my children because it will turn them into responsible adults. I am an adult…and I am responsible for myself and any children I choose to bring into this world.
Coexistence also comes with a list a mile long that we aren’t told about. To find a mate that has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING that bothers you is a pipe dream. As much as none of us want to admit that, it just doesn’t happen. The trick is finding a mate that you love and care for IN SPITE of these things. That isn’t so difficult. And then help each other out. Be a team…and a GOOD one (not the Miami Dolphins…and trust me, I know some teams who run a close second to the Dolphins for worst team ever). This means if you are in a position to do the chores/work/do good things, do them!! If the garbage needs taking out, take it out. If the dishes need done, do them. If the ceiling needs painted, paint the effin’ ceiling!! Don’t say things like, “Well, that’s her job.” or “I did it last time.” Or, most importantly, “I don’t want to!! I’m a 2-year-old and I just don’t want to!!” (okay, no one says the 2-year-old line, but you get the point).
At the zoo, the zoo people put the bears in with the bears, the lions in with the lions, the monkeys in with the monkeys…and even the effin’ animals work things out!! When a human is in with a human, things should be able to be worked out. Even the monkeys know “there is no I in team.” I suppose we could all learn a thing or two at the zoo.
What do you think? How is your team doing this season?
