A few posts down, I wrote about being the change. What I’ve learned in the past few days is that some people don’t WANT you to be the freakin’ change. They want to continue to be the same way they’ve been for years causing your efforts to be wasted. And yet, you keep wasting them…
I have a friend that I call often. She works alot, so it’s difficult to catch her. She does NOT work weekends usually, so getting together shouldn’t be that difficult, especially when she (says she) considers me a good friend and says that we should spend more time together. She’ll say, “Well, this weekend is bad. I’ve got this and that and what-have-you…but next weekend will be GREAT!” And then, since she is difficult to catch her, I tell her that I’ll wait for her to call. She doesn’t. So I call her. And then, and here’s the kicker, she’ll call back and say, “Oh, I didn’t realize I said THIS weekend. I made plans. I wish you’d have called earlier in the week.“ Yes, reader, I AM thinking what you’re thinking. I told her I would wait to hear from her since she frequently doesn’t answer the phone and isn’t home. And the hell of it is that when I ask her how her weekend was, she says, “Oh, I went to the bar with my friends and we saw such-and-such band and…..” I guess I’m not included in those friends she talks about.
We all have atleast one relationship like this. I am a pretty strong-willed, brutally honest person. I don’t usually take this kind of abuse. Almost anyone else who tried to pull this shit with me would be written off yesterday. But there’s just something that keeps me going back for more. And, as with ALL relationships of this sort, there is always a rationalization why I don’t just STOP. Maybe it’s because we’ve known one another for EVER. Maybe it’s because when we are together, we have a hell of a time. Maybe it’s simply because I don’t have many friends. Maybe it’s because I just can’t get over the friendship that we HAD and I don’t want to move on. Or maybe it’s because I’m a glutton for punishment. Who knows?
It wasn’t always like this. We used to hang out and visit one another and all sorts of things. She would return my calls and we’d talk for hours, etc., etc. But something has changed between us. Not either of us getting married or growing up or having serious adult lives…it’s something deeper and more important than those things.
I cannot count the number of times I’ve said, “That’s it! I’m seriously over this. And I mean it this time!!” Yet, over and over again it happens. I’m unsure as to why I can’t be around her other friends very often. I have some ideas, but I don’t have a concrete answer. I’ve hung out with her and her other friends before and we all get along just lovely! Maybe that’s the problem. But when did I become a threat? Is she that insecure? We’re both happily married, so that isn’t an issue. I just don’t get it. And I’m tired of even trying.
I’m very sad about this. There is so much potential there. It’s difficult to let go of something that I’ve had counted on for lots of years, but I think it’s time.
